Dr. Kim and Kathleen on what they do and who they are

hello and good morning friends yes it is Wednesday and we've sharing the kindness here thank you so much for joining me this morning I know it was not a a small commute thank you for having us uh we've got Dr kimme Walters from Sharing kindness she's the executive director we've also got Kathleen Shin O'Brien the director of clinical and Community Services Sharing kindness I first met you guys at the seaside L mon that's right and I was so thrilled when you popped over and started talking about what your organization does especially since I've been affected but I know that I'm Not the Only Human that has been affected by loss by by grief by all of the things that you cover so maybe introduce yourself and kind of truncated version of how we're here AB absolutely Stephanie we're so pleased to be here um Sharing kindness was seated uh from uh suicide and grief and uh we recognized that there were gaps in service in our community big time Big Big Time gaps in the service here um Services here on Cape and and the islands and so we uh promote mental health education we raise suicide awareness um and awareness includes prevention in so many different and exciting ways these days and we provide free peer grief support across the lifespan across the cape we really nothing says speaking to your trauma like someone who has intimately felt that themselves so we often talk about it as uh we're grief fluent well laugh about it I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing but but we are we speak grief and I think part of the problem is um people are scared and yet everybody uh experiences grieve and it's not just a the loss uh because of death it's lots of losses and so we we grieve many things we grieve uh moving even when it's a positive experience we grieve losing our jobs we grieve retiring sometimes because we've lost our you know at least part of our identity so so you know grief knows no bounds right it it comes everywhere and to everyone and waves and sometimes doesn't go away rapidly and sometimes it doesn't and so and so why then are we so reluctant to address this issue when it's pervasive I think it's just you don't want to make other people sad with your sadness sometimes I feel like that we tend to just I mean that's our Mantra here is to you know live happier be happier and and just get out there and and and push through sometimes but sometimes you don't have to do that and it's like uh I'm learning better ways better tools for my toolbox of what to say when to say it how I say things I feel like we can all grow and address this better than we do currently absolutely we we totally agree um and that is uh one of our um goals uh for this upcoming year um is to bring h a program a presentation uh we're partnering with local libraries across the cap and Islands amazing to to improve grief literacy because sometimes uh although I think the vast majority of people mean well they'll tell someone or or or their conver their um what they add to the conversation is you know look on the bright side or you have so much to look for those are such triggers and and exactly and when like and when you're grieving it's it's not that you don't know that but you you need to be heard and if that's your response that grieving person knows that that you're really not listening you're not willing to sit with them where they are yeah we want to change that we want to change that conversation you know I have um a little boy that I I saw right after his dad died and we were doing some family work and he said you know Kathleen everybody came to the funeral and said you're now the man of the family he said I'm 10 oh and they said I don't even know do I have to quit school do I have to get a job oh like the pressure and anxiety for a 10-year-old that breaks my heart and I think a lot of people well- meaningly say things like that or the other the other sort of um verbiage that people get very frustrated with is at least and anytime somebody starts a sentence with at least when you're a griever you know that the rest of that sentence isn't going to be something that you want to you've already shut it off you're like g i yeah let me count my Laurels uh so what is a better way to come about that like what is a better way what are what are some things to say maybe a couple of practical walkway so it's it's kind of cool right now so um the National Alliance of children's grief of which um Sharing kindness as a member um has an initiative this month called flip the script okay so you can go online you can look at the National Alliance for children's grief and you'll notice flip the script and so it's a pretty cool uh marketing tool for them but also brilliantly an educational tool for the world so instead of saying for example I know how you feel my dog died three years ago and I know exactly how you feel and you're looking there and you're saying H I'm talking about my mother right and so instead of saying I know exactly how you feel it's more helpful to say I've experienced loss what is it like for you and that's that's a great way you flip it to a question and then you're talking which is much better than I I've been there too which is horrible good morning thanks for joining us I got to thank our sponsor habitat free Humanity 35 years they've been keeping people in their homes working hard to build more affordable housing here and just recycling reusing and putting people to work we thank Habitat for Humanity immensely um talk about some of your groups I know you've got your family and your young adult peer grief groups what is that looking like right now so um we have a family peer grief group what sets us a apart um an important part of of how we uh do pure grief is that we have a clinician in each room for safety for psycho education for for Ison and it's just a wonderful model um and so uh in our family peer grief group um we have a room for six to nine year olds a room for uh 10 to 13 year olds a room for teens 14 to 17 and then a fourth room for caregivers which might be parents or grandparents or F parents kinship folks it's so important because not every children don't need to be exposed to things or have to know things the same way as adults do when you're grieving and it affects every single person in your family while you're grieving well the interesting part of that too Stephanie is that even in a family unit a close family unit when someone has died each of them had individual relationships with that person which then means that each of them are grieving that relationship that they had and in many cases families grieve in all cases I would say families grieve differently and it's really important for people to know that but also for kids it's really important that they maintain routine and so when they say I want to go back to school and families are thinking oh it's really too soon they're they know what they need to do they need to go back to school they they need their routine they need predictability and consistency in a world that has literally just turned upside down for them yeah definitely they don't need to be exposed to so many things also which but I like that you break the groups up well the other thing is developmentally children understand grief in very different ways so for some of our really younger kids they're just really grappling with this is permanent they're not coming back with some of our older kids they're really thinking about the future they're thinking about am I still going to be able to go to school am I still going to be able to go to college what are the expectations that this family has on me and so the conversations are generated by the kids themselves yeah which is really important and then in our young adult groups so that's where people that are 18 to 25 29 so important because I really feel like they're the ones that have the least amount of help and services and Outreach I experienced this personally uh over the last year in my family and it was really a struggle to find places to direct my family member and I think you're right and so for these young people as they're grappling with their emerging adult childhood uh figuring out their professional careers figuring out what's really going on with them and then they're dealing with a loss at the same time it's very very challenging um I just I deal with grief so weirdly it's just I I make bad jokes and I redirect to other things I'm always redirecting because I'm like I don't want to feel the feeling we're going to look over here what about this how about this it's it's hard right and it's and it's hard to hold space and sit with someone who is in the deepest rawest most vulnerable part of their grief and I think that's the part where it's it's almost easier and I say that with the caveat holding space for someone doesn't mean you fix it because you can't fix it yeah holding space means you're able to sit with and sometimes that's all people need is someone to sit with them and just be able to Bear witness to their grief make a cup of tea you don't have to have all the right words but you're there I'll tell you another part that's that that people tell us often when someone says let me know if you need anything they're never going to let you know well bigger than that they often don't know what they need right you know getting out of bed is a chore taking a shower is a chore and so to to have me be forced to say let me know what you need is really an undue burden on The Grieving person so if they have dogs go over and take the dog for a walk you know ask if you can take home a load of laundry drop off groceries take the kids to football practice they're going to remember that moment of kindness for for sure more than anything else was that when they can't you could and that's really important when when my sister died we had a neighbor and and she was like a little sprite and she would come in and she would do things and all of a sudden we' realize our laundry was done our sheets had been changed food was in the fridge that used to be the way things worked though neighborhoods would talk and families would talk and you'd just you know assign one of the aunts to go do whatever it was and that's how it was but given the way life is now it's just not Happ like that it's not the same way and yet people want to help and people want to be part of that Community but they just don't know how well I'm so glad that we're here talking about this because it just opens up that conversation with people and that's really what Sharing kindness is about is just meeting people where they're at which I love that you're in the libraries I think it's great we're so excited great partnership one of the other places that we are um is school more and more often is schools um we uh know that there are children carrying significant uh grief burdens in schools who do not have the resources to get to our um Family program which is in the evenings and so um we have reached out to a number of schools and we're so uh inspired and excited and we're actually starting our first school-based uh peer grief group on Monday M oh really that's exciting where is that gonna be so we're piloting our first school-based group uh at Truro Central School um many many thanks to uh Nancy Winslow who's just been a wonderful partner great school too A Champion for us um and so we'll be we'll be starting a six-week program uh with younger kids perfect good morning Ashley good morning Dave Jara Mari thank you for joining us this morning we're talking to Sharing kindness and there we're we're talking grief and it's not always like the most sexy and fun conversation to be having but it's one that needs to be had and I'm so so glad that you're reaching out to our children I feel like um my children specifically have that missing space at school where they need or they've got a friend or I get a phone call once a day because my kids are those people that just absorb other people's things and they're like Mom what can we do about X Y and Z what do we do for this family what do we do here and I think it's more needed because we are not comfortable all the time having those conversations with our parents with our families it's just another outlet and if they're comfortable at school they're able to have that conversation with peers it's nice that's right and the other thing is some of these some all the kids essentially um you feel so different you feel so unique I'm the only one who had a mom or a dad or a sibling or caregiver die and nobody else wants to talk about it so when you're in this group with other people and you can kind of look around and see those heads starting to nod there's this feeling of Safety and Security and that I can really bear my heart with people that are going to understand and the wisdom that these little kids have is astounding to us they when we we we had a a little one that left group um one night last year and Kim what did they say to you this is the only place where I feel heard oh eight years old that's so validating though when you're doing this work that is not it's not warm no and when I you know tell please tell me about that um the response was I I don't want to talk about um my siblings death at home because I don't want to make my family sad or sad and and I don't feel comfortable talking at school because I don't think my teacher wants to know so this is where I feel heard that's that's amazing and that's why I'm so glad that you're doing some school-based group grief groups I really think it's important once again reaching people where they are well that's the other part of it and also to normalize their feelings I mean grief is a messy Tangled ball of yarn and there's no linear way to go from here to there there's no getting over it there's but what we do is we internalize we grow with our grief and our grief grows with us so it becomes part of who we are rather than the defining moment and so for the kids it's important for them to know your feelings are valid your feelings need to be be voiced and then what do we do with them and some of these emotions are big and so if I have a a kid that says I am so angry what are we going to do with that anger where does that need to go that doesn't need to stay inside and I might say things like how big is it look at that wall and tell me how big is it does it have a color what color is it yeah what what could we do to make it smaller and then we talk about coping skills and we try to give the kids as many Tools in their toolbox as we possibly can because it's not a one-sized fit all one coping skill isn't going to work yeah everything but it's also important for the kids to know that they can laugh and have fun yeah and it's making it tangible too it's an item now that we can deflect a little bit so that's kind of nice so you know clinically we call this the Dual process when you do your grief work and then you do your restorative work which is at your everyday stuff I'm not going to tell kids that you're doing the Dual process and you're doing it beautifully but I am but I am going to say I noticed when you came in that your face looked really sad yeah and now I'm noticing that you have a smile I wonder what happened in between and give them the opportunity to identify what those emotions were at the beginning and then how they changed at the end of group that's incredible and especially since you know honestly grief takes time it takes time to deal with and time to a trial does not I think they think it's forever well it is forever right it is forever but what we also say to all our families and and all of our adults is that it won't feel as awful as it does at the very beginning beginning it changes and we change and we make meaning and that I'm not saying making meaning in terms of finding a silver lining I'm saying making meaning in terms of how do we bring the person who's no longer physically present in our presence and how do we continue bonds with that person who's deceased I mean this conversation is good for everyone all the time and it's a good reminder of how to to process this how to have a conversation about it how to say I just don't feel good today I just reaching out I feel like I don't know I felt really handicapped and paralyzed when my daughter was going through what she was going through and I I really was at a loss for words almost all of the time to I didn't even know where to direct or who to who to help or how to help and I did I just sat with her and I think that's the most important thing we can do is just be with someone um listen if they want to talk about it hold the silence if they need the silence be a shoulder to cry on again it can't be fixed but it it can be shared it's a burden shared and and in change in time it does change talk to me a little bit about the healing house I know that this is a project oh we're so excited um we will continue to take our programming out into the community just by the nature of the cap and Islands right the geography and so um for instance we have a peer grief groups in uh Nantucket um in Falmouth we do groups out on the Outer Cape that that we feel that's sort of those are spokes from a hub and we're going to continue to go out into those geographically harder to reach places however we are looking for that Hub we've been looking for um a dedicated safe space for bereaved children youth young adults families and individuals to identify as the healing house and we are very close to um announcing that we will have a healing house here on Cape in 2024 that's pretty amazing we'll come back and talk to you about that when it's actually true seriously um Don says this morning we really need to keep the kids in reality I lost my mom in 18 my father was mentally ill speak up and talk and encourage them to speak up as well uh Cindy Don and sometimes I like that you're giving them the words to say though and reminding them of the things that they need to say instead of well you know the other thing that that we also believe in you know grief is normal it's natural it's it's it's a human reaction to an acute loss and and we don't want to minimize the depth of that loss regardless of the age of the person and so we use words with the children like your father died your your mother was ill and your mother died and we're not saying things like passed away we're not the kids might say that and we're not going to change their language but we want to use very actual concrete language where the kids understand what it means and interestingly they don't shy away from that and they're very comfortable learning what that language is about um and and they're wiser than we think they are so you know sometimes in with kind and good intentions to quote unquote protect them from something what we're really doing is we're compromising their ability to understand and learn about navigating this road of G yeah totally because they don't really know what's real and what's not and when you're lying to them all the time or just changing the dialog it doesn't make sense to them so they make their own way absolutely and I I want to add Stephanie that um Studies have shown with children youth um young adults if we don't if they don't address their grief there are risks um children with unaddressed grief are uh more likely to experience early mortality including suicide about two and a half times more likely to die from suicide they are less likely to graduate from high school and seek uh higher education um they are more likely to experience substance abuse particularly if um they have experienced the death uh of a family member between the ages when they were between the ages of six and 18 they don't know where to put it no and also entrance into the Juvenile Justice System um because they are confused they're angry and they may not have somebody that's that's watching over so you know the beautiful thing is it only takes one trusted adult just one to show I care to show this is important you're important you matter and if that person is a teacher a coach someone in the face Community the lady down the street the lunch lady anybody who cares enough to pay attention and say what's happening yeah tell me what's going on yeah because a lot of the time we don't want to put our be nosy you know put oursel in a situation that we don't want to be in yeah it's It's A Hard Road and there's there's no handbook I wish there was but there's no handbook to say oh this is how we manage grief yeah Ashley said this is such a fantastic segment this morning not that I don't love them all but this is extremely important and I definitely agree you are doing really important work well and Ashley you understand from a lived experience perspective what it's like to be an emerging young adult and to have lost a parent and and it's a significant time in your life when we expect that our caregivers are going to be there right we expect that we're going to be able to pick up the phone and and call Mom or Dad or grandma or someone to ask those questions it might even be you know how do you cook a roast beef and when those people are gone from our lives it gets more complicated other relationships get more complicated and when your world has been upended like that and it doesn't really matter I mean it matters certainly whether it's been a pro prolonged illness or an Unexpected death but the end result is your world is upended you're still cocooning and you don't want to spread that out you're just grieving the loss yeah one of the questions we often get is does it matter that the time frame from when my person died in terms of accessing uh groups and the short answer is no no it's always a good time to work on integrating that experience um the death of your person into your you know so that you may live the best life healthiest life that you can I I was physically in a room with someone that was like oh that was 6 months ago why are you not over this yet and I I didn't know what to say I was horrified I had to leave the room because I and then obviously check on the human that it was said to later but I was just I couldn't even be in there for that negative horrible discussion it was terrible but people do think that and they think that there should be a timeline so imagine you have three days of bereavement in many companies when it's a a first-degree relative well let me tell you after three days of bereavement leave you really don't even even know where you are or what day it is right so to expect somebody to go back to work and to be operational is a little bit ridiculous yeah you're in a fog period and for a while and sometimes for a while and again depending on you know I think particularly and Kim can speak to this better than I but particularly if a family has lost a child you know that's that's out of an out of order death no parent expects to have to bury child and so what that does to us on every level psychological physical emotional spiritual is such an enormous challenge there's no way that we can expect a bereaved parent to be up and running as though nothing had happened it's it's it's just not the way it goes um we had a wonderful woman on the cape um this summer Mary Francis OK Conor who taught a class at um Cape cot Institute and she's written a book called The Grieving brain and there are actual neurobiologic iCal reasons why we grieve and why we grieve the way we do and she's done extensive research on this she's also in the process of writing a new book called The Grieving body which should be out in I think 2025 but there are reasons why we have grief brain there are reasons why we can't focus and concentrate there are reasons why we lose track of things there are reasons why we're not the same person that we were the day before and the world needs to know that it's normal yeah and if you're out there are avenues for help maybe you you've had a rough week maybe you're in a bad space I you have emergency numbers also for people to reach out and I think it's really important absolutely um we're so excited that 988 uh happened this year um so much easier for folks to remember um and access and we also want to point out that um our our uh Community Partners here be it the Samaritans in 988 or bve um and crisis services you don't need to wait until you're in what you deem a crisis if you or or somebody you're concerned about um if if there's a level of concern you can call and have a conversation um you don't need to think is this is this bad yeah like so aggressive nope they're happy to feeli the calls which is nice because I mean when you're low-level not right and you let that get worse I mean that's where the problems begin that's exactly right um uh yeah Robert says more of this please uh and good morning kacos so General grief tips just because we're approaching the holidays where people put their foot in their mouth on the regular we're about to have a whole Bolt load of family or maybe we're not maybe we lost our family and we're in a place where everyone around us is joyful and excited and we're just not and this is just giving us all kinds of red flags and I can't even turn on social media I can't even turn on my TV I hate every everyone this is miserable like what what are we maybe some general tips on navigating this next 8 to 10 weeks so I feel like you uh you dose yourself okay you dose yourself with social media you dose yourself with watching television you dose yourself going into the mall you dose yourself doing anything that could potentially trigger you now here's the funny thing you can listen to a Christmas song today and you can go oh my gosh I remember that song I remember being 10 and sitting in my grandmother's living room with all my cousins love that song I love that memory and this afternoon you hear the song and you're like oh my God this is breaking my heart it's normal okay that's normal yeah and so I think part of it is just allowing yourself to feel what you're feeling to know what you're feeling to know what's normal and say no say no or say you know what can I tell you the day of your party if I'm coming or not cuz today that's another one today I feel like going and when Saturday comes I might not want to go that's me all the time though that that's nothing to do with grief no I okay um I want to second that because um as a a person um who uh experienced the death of their child uh seven years ago I still have my moments and my days and and I um would want uh folks to understand that you know I may want come to that event but depending on where I am at that moment you know during the holidays um I may need to beg off or or to come briefly and you know even this is one of those well- meaning things oh come on you need to get out you need to socialize come on come on make yourself happy come on come on and please pushers right and and they mean well I know but but they need to be educated about grief also and um and and please you know uh I want to give anybody out there who needs it permission to say no and I want you heard that doctor says permission it's ERS she just written that prescription for everybody listening you're welcome and um and I and I want to give the um inviters and this the would be wannabe supporters um please you know gracefully accept if somebody says you know thank you but no um it's not a good fit for me right now yeah don't take it personally for sure Robert said this is true three days bement I was asked once if I needed help once it's difficult when you're part of a generation that was taught to just keep going keep going sorry for you I am and we've all been through it um I want to share a story because you know we get triggered by things that we don't expect so um my dad died in 2019 and he was 90 and a half W so I got a lot of at least you had him all those years well you know what I wanted to have him a lot forever but anyway so here's here's my funny story so I'm in Stop and Shop in sand with my husband and and we've got the cart and we're doing some uh shopping for Christmas dinner which didn't really feel much like a Christmas dinner that we wanted and we're going down the aisle and I absolutely lost it I burst into tears and my husband's like what is wrong what happened and I reached up and I took a jar of Aunt Nelly's onions and I said this was Papa's favorite thing to have creamed onions and I put it in my cart and he said what are you doing and I said making creamed onions and he said nobody likes them and I said but Papa did and he said but Papa's not here and I said I know but I'm still making creamed onions yeah it's that it's feel good yeah it made me feel good and you know also for for the holidays don't be afraid to change your Traditions don't be afraid to have conversations with your family especially with your kids what feels right for you we've been doing a lot of that lately just because things are just different and we're there are several things going on and we're kind of like well what what are we doing this year and we're having group discussions about what are we doing this what do we like about this anyway and and we don't have to do it just because it's the way we've always done it we get to change and if you want a tree put up a tree and if you don't want a tree don't put up a tree yeah if you want lights in your window or you don't you know if you always go to your in-laws for Hanukkah and you just feel like you have to stay just stay and I think the other thing is we are so worried about hurting someone else's feelings yes and we sort of subate our own feelings to someone else this is a time when you have to be the center you have to decide what's right for you and what feels right and if somebody else doesn't understand it I'm sorry for that but this isn't the time for them to judge you I am excited that we're at a point having this dialogue right now because that would never have happened even five years ago for for me at any rate Ashley says like I told you when you asked why do I stay on so social media because there is so much good on social media like right now and then trying to block out the bad and Ashley R that's why we we we dose it right and and and we have the opportunity to just scroll past something that just doesn't look and also you know we when we're deeply in grief I will say this as well and and again Mary Francis Dr Mary Francis L Conor's book Bears this out our brain doesn't operate the same way so we tend to react act rather than respond so we might get a little angry we might get a little annoyed we might get a lot angry because something just rubbed us the wrong way yeah and so avoid those things if you can and if you can't just acknowledge this is what this is in this moment it will pass and it's okay to come back afterwards and be like look I was having a moment and because sometimes I feel like oh but I was so out of line and that was not me characteristically and I need to go back and have a dialogue about what what I was in that moment do you have to do that I mean do you feel like that's important or do we just well whatever they don't understand well I think it's just whatever feels right for you but in in the moment if you if you can go back and say this is why that was upsetting or this is why I reacted and I apologize if it was an overreaction I I apologize if it felt outrageous but I just want you to have a little incling into why I responded that way yeah see we're learning new things and better conversations with people and yes this is the end of the year and yes you were going to be put in situations where people are ridiculous and yes maybe you're the ridiculous one but we have our prescription for not subscribing to this and do what feels right do what feels right um I'd like to share one tip that's worked for my family um which is uh Christmas morning was a challenge after Jeremy died um his favorite holiday and we um now have a box for him under the tree keeps him present during uh Christmas and certainly during Christmas morning and we each um make a donation to something that either reminds us of him or to to an organization that he would have wanted to support and we do we do that separately and we um stuff the box with um our gifts uh in honor of him and his life and how he lived it and um it's the last box that we open on Christmas morning and we go around the room and everyone explains why they gifted Jeremy um what they did that's amazing it it's a beautiful tribute to him it keeps him present and he now has um two little nephews and we want them to know him yeah they won't know him physically but we want them to know who he was and this is just one of the ways that we're able to do that that's a really nice way to to to honor and remember and anybody can do that and keep present exactly and it doesn't have to cost things and that's exactly what we are talking about when we say making meaning making meaning when the person is no longer physically here but yet they are here they are still with us and they're very much a part of our Lives they're very much a part of the world so so how do we do this moving forward and and what the me Walters family has done is just a beautiful example of that it's amazing I lost my grandmother 29 years ago but she was my person and it's funny that you say that because I in everything I do I always think of her and I make sure that you know I'll make certain dishes I'll do certain things I'll sing certain songs and I immediately remember her like it was yesterday absolutely and it's it's the positive stuff it's not the sad stuff I don't remember the sick time or the the weird stuff and she was young she was 54 there was no reason you know what I mean it was it was just very sudden um and it was it was taken from me at a time where it was just a really important time in my life and my brother had had an accident it's like all this culmination of and I still think of it like it was just yesterday sometimes it feels like just yesterday and sometimes it feels like 42,000 years ago right and there's no rhy reason normal all normal everybody needs to know you were talking about making donations to his favorite things how do people support your organization because you are a nonprofit and I think it's really important the work that you're doing um and just sharing the kindness with everyone as much as we possibly can oh absolutely thank you so we have a wonderful website um www.are Shing kindness.org um and if you're so moved um and would like to support us uh we would welcome all funds donated uh to Sharing kindness we are a 501c3 nonprofit stay on the cape and Islands to support our shared Community we got a lot of people and we got a lot of people that need help and all of our programming uh whether it be our programming in schools our peer grp uh support uh everything is at no cost to any of the families we don't want any barriers that we have control over to get in the way of people accessing what they need did you hear that I I hope I hope you heard that so I'll say it again all of our programming is at no cost to anybody um we have uh grant funding we have private donors and we will keep it that way for as long as Sharing kindness is in existence yeah mental health is not a luxury your grief is not a luxury this is really important well absolutely and we don't want to have to fuss around with insurance um you know half of our insurance doesn't even cover mental health anyway don't even get me started the B of my existence trust me after 30 years as a primary care dog I know that co-pays are a barrier and so when Kathleen and I were uh setting this up we said no there's no um donations if someone is so inclined and has the means um and and they're in group super but we do not expect any participants um to there's no no charge Kim um I'm going to ask you a a favor can you talk a little bit about our walk that happens in May oh every May um uh we've had six uh suicide awareness walks for the cap and islands and it is just an amazing talk about building Community um morning we have we have a memory wall uh to honor um the lives of of those we've lost to this Public Health crisis um we have resource tables this past year it was our biggest ever we had 520 Walkers we have great speakers yeah Senator Seer um comes every year uh which is so wonderful um so he's one of a handful of speakers uh so um I would encourage anybody out there one of our programs which we haven't mentioned um is Hope Squad this is a school-based suicide prevention program um that's now in five high schools on the cape uh and growing amazing and hope Squad uh students leave lead out the walk so um some people hear suicide awareness walk and think H and you might think it would be somber and we have our moment moments we do have our moments but it's a really this is our biggest fundraiser of the year it's the Saturday uh Before Memorial Day so that's going to be put it in your calendar now May 18 I'll remind you 51824 um in hyenas uh at 10 o'clock in the morning um at the Veterans Beach Park and Rumor Has it that there may be a special guest this coming may be tuned cindyc this is a great conversation Cindy L hello ladies four years ago I decided to spread kindness on a larger scale I've had some very positive plans to absolutely let people feel cared for and they matter it's called her kindness project look for it this spring it's about positive interactions she said please keep doing what you are doing you are amazing thank you thank you and and you are amazing and I'm looking forward to that walk and and you're walking to remember but also to remind absolutely you know the very first year that we did it we had a a woman who came and um she spoke her son's name and said suicide in the same sentence for the first time ever and it's a process and it's also a stigmatized death suicide deaths deaths by drug poisoning overdose those are what we consider to be stigmatized deaths um and again when we talk about misconceptions you know we we hear often why would they do that why would they make that choice and again these are brain diseases these these folks are are in such intense pain and and it's and it's not a choice well it's that snowball it's addiction it's it's whatever whatever your pain is and then it's the snowball afterwards of the disaster and its wake and a lot of times it's TR related so I think that's the other part especially for Our Hope Squad kids is that we get to have an opportunity to to work with people young people when they have experienced some really difficult things and have them learn how to ask for help have them learn how to get the resources they need earlier on than when they're alone in college emerging young adults so important the work you are doing is so important once again let everyone know how they can help donate or support you and any their fashion that they can yeah please visit us um at a sharing kindness.org um you can learn more about peer grief groups you can uh learn about the suicide awareness walk or hope Squad um about grief 101 with our library Partners Lots uh of great information there for the community these chairs are open to you guys anytime you have anything new anything exciting anything you need help with we want to be here in support Dr Kimberly me Walters Kathleen shine O'Brien thank you so much Sharing kindness with us this morning and showing everyone what you guys do I appreciate you thank you we appreciate you all right with that I'm going to be out tonight we're going to be spreading some fun and festivities with a little bit of music Bingo it's an awful segue but I'll be on over Stephanie maybe you want to do grief bingo I I could do that I could do that we could have some fun with some music therapy I'm down for it uh Maran is going to be on over at fathers Bri has moved to Cap Cod beer on Thursdays so if you're looking for us you can always find the schedule at lemon ado.com if you like this podcast please support us like share it subscribe to our YouTube channel we appreciate you if you're listening to us right now on Lemon ado.com we appreciate you uh for everybody here in front of you we say thank you have a wonderful day share some kindness with someone today we appreciate you thank you